Back to School, Back to Sport.

September brings a lot of change at once.

New teachers, new classrooms, different friendship groups and, for some children, an entirely new school. At the same time, sports training, matches and competitions start filling the calendar again.

It’s therefore not unusual for parents to notice a change in confidence at this time of year — sometimes at school, sometimes at home, and sometimes most obviously on the pitch, court or track.

A child who seemed confident before the summer may suddenly start worrying about making mistakes. They might overthink during a match, become unusually quiet before training or say that they don’t want to go.

For parents, this can be confusing. Particularly when you know your child has the ability.

Why can confidence drop when children return to sport?

Going back to school and returning to competitive sport can create several pressures at the same time.

There’s a change of routine. New teachers and classmates. Perhaps a move to secondary school. Then add expectations from coaches, teammates and, most importantly, the expectations young athletes can place upon themselves.

They may also be comparing themselves with teammates who have grown, improved or trained differently over the summer.

A little nervousness isn’t necessarily a problem.

In fact, some pre-performance anxiety is completely normal. The physical sensations we associate with nerves — a faster heartbeat, butterflies, increased alertness — are part of the body’s preparation for something that matters.

The difficulty comes when “I really want to do well” becomes “I must not mess this up.”

That’s when attention can move away from playing the game and towards monitoring everything that might go wrong.

What does sports performance anxiety look like in children?

It isn’t always a child saying, “I’m anxious.”

In my work with young athletes, parents will often describe something much more practical.

Their child performs brilliantly in training but seems like a different player in competition. They hesitate. Stop taking chances. Become frustrated after one mistake. Think too much about what the coach or other players might think.

Sometimes it starts before the event: stomach aches, irritability, difficulty sleeping or repeatedly asking questions about the match or competition.

Others simply become quieter.

That matters because not every young athlete is particularly good at explaining what is happening inside their head.

Don’t make confidence the target

Telling a nervous young athlete to “just be confident” usually isn’t very useful.

Confidence is a feeling. We can’t always summon it on demand.

Instead, it helps to bring their attention back to things they can actually control.

Rather than:

“I need to play well today.”

Try:

“What’s your job for the first five minutes?”

That answer might be:

Make my first tackle.
Watch the ball.
Move my feet.
Communicate with my teammate.

Something small, observable and controllable.

It shifts attention away from proving themselves and back towards performing.

Help them understand what nerves mean

Another useful conversation is helping children understand that feeling nervous doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong.

You might ask:

“Are these nerves telling you that you can’t do it, or are they telling you that this matters to you?”

That distinction can be powerful.

The aim isn’t necessarily to eliminate every butterfly before a match. Elite performers experience nerves too.

The skill is learning to perform with those sensations rather than becoming frightened by them.

Be careful with the journey home

One of the simplest changes parents can make happens after competition.

Immediately analysing every mistake can unintentionally make sport feel like an examination.

Sometimes the best first question is simply:

“Did you enjoy it?”

Later, when emotions have settled, you can talk about what went well, what they learned and what they’d like to work on next.

Young athletes need somewhere psychologically safe to make mistakes. That’s how they develop.

When might a young athlete need extra help?

Occasional nerves are normal.

I’d pay more attention when anxiety repeatedly stops a child performing as they normally can, causes significant distress, makes them avoid a sport they previously enjoyed or begins affecting their confidence away from sport.

At that point, simply practising more isn’t always the answer.

The problem may not be technical ability. It may be how the young athlete responds to pressure.

That is something that can be trained.

Building psychological skills for sport

I work with young athletes from across Beverley, Driffield, Hull and East Yorkshire on confidence, performance anxiety, concentration and performing under pressure.

My approach combines practical sport psychology with techniques drawn from CBT, ACT, mindfulness and my wider therapeutic experience. With younger athletes, I keep the work age-appropriate, practical and focused on skills they can actually use in training and competition.

The objective isn’t to turn a 12-year-old into a miniature sports psychologist.

It’s much simpler than that.

Help them understand what’s happening. Give them a few good tools. Practise those tools until they become familiar.

And, importantly, help them enjoy competing again.

Because nerves don’t have to disappear before a young athlete can perform well.

Sometimes the breakthrough comes when they discover they can feel nervous and still play their game.

Neil Sunley is a performance psychology practitioner, hypnotherapist and therapist with more than 25 years’ experience working with confidence, anxiety and performance. He works with young athletes and adults from his East Yorkshire practice and online.

Find out more about Youth Sports Psychology