Low Self-Esteem May Be Sabotaging Your First Impressions

First impressions matter. We know this instinctively, whether we’re walking into an interview, a first date, or meeting a coach for the first time. But what if being seen clearly by others is not always a good thing? And what if your self-esteem plays a much bigger role than you thought?

A recent study reported in The Psychologist (2024) highlights a surprising pattern: people with low self-esteem are often judged less favourably when others perceive their personalities accurately. In other words, if someone sees the "real you" in a first meeting—and you don’t value yourself much—it can work against you.

Researchers Lauren Gazzard Kerr and Lauren Human explored this in a large-scale study of both romantic and platonic speed-dating sessions. They found that people with higher self-esteem were:

• Perceived more accurately

• Liked more (in platonic contexts)

• And easier to connect with

Meanwhile, those with lower self-esteem were harder to read, and when accurately read, were often liked less.

This doesn’t mean people with low self-esteem aren’t likeable. It means that how we project ourselves in early encounters is heavily influenced by our inner self-worth. Low self-esteem often shows up subtly—through body language, tone of voice, even microexpressions—and people pick up on it whether they realise it or not.

Why This Matters for Performance

Whether you're an athlete, a student, or a public-facing professional, first impressions shape opportunities. A coach might decide if you're coachable. A colleague may determine your credibility. A casting director may decide whether you're memorable.

And in that crucial moment? Your self-esteem may already be shaping the outcome.

In fact, the study showed that people with higher wellbeing and confidence were easier to understand, and perceived more positively, across all contexts. This means working on your self-esteem isn't just an internal job – it's a performance enhancer.

The Hidden Cost of Being "Seen"

We often talk about being authentic or showing the real you. But if someone with low self-esteem is seen accurately too soon, it can be socially costly. The research suggests that in those cases, being an "open book" may backfire. This is especially important for young people or professionals in high-stakes environments, where early perceptions can stick.

Can You Improve How You're Perceived?

Yes—and not by faking it. When I work with youth athletes, performers, or ambitious professionals, I focus on helping them build genuine inner confidence. That includes:

• Learning to regulate micro-signals of insecurity

• Reframing internal narratives

• Building a sense of competence and calm under pressure

Once your inner self-esteem improves, the outer results follow. Not just in how you feel, but in how others respond.

Final Thought

Your self-worth isn’t just a private experience. It quietly shapes how you’re received by the world.

So if you’ve ever left a meeting, date, or performance feeling misunderstood or underappreciated, it may not be about them. It might be time to work on what you're projecting.

And yes—that starts from within.

If you'd like tools to begin building unshakeable self-belief, explore my confidence coaching or mindset audio sessions designed specifically for youth and performance-focused individuals.